Look at me….

Hey!  Look at me!  I can sit  up all by myself!

This is going to make typing my blog so much easier…..

68 Degrees??? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Ok, swimming, piece of cake.  I’ll just take off this hat, and lay back and do the back stroke across to the neighbors, then I can turn around and come back to the dock doing the butterfly.  I’ve got my cool swim trunks, I’ve got my red Body Glove rash guard and I’m ready to….

Wait…what?  What about 68 degrees?  What the heck are you talking about?  Nice try, joker…….Isn’t there supposed to be ice on the water when it’s 68?  Who’s kidding about 68 degrees?  Wait….he’s what?  Not kidding?  Yeah RIGHT!

….you’re not kidding, are you?  It’s really 68?  Umm……who thought this was a good idea?  I’m not a polar bear, people!  Stop!  No, don’t put me down!  I’m not going to get into that….STOP!!!!!  NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hollywood, Here I Come!

Last week I broke into my piggy bank, and it’s grim!  How am I ever going to live like Ozzy Osbourne’s kids AND go to an ivy league school when my net worth is only $0.28?   EEK!

So, I decided to take action.  I grew me this big old ‘fro and had my agent call NBC about a gig.  Turns out, they found just the right thing–I’m auditioning for “My Name Is Earl”  Apparently, they’re doing a flashback to Earl’s childhood, and well, I do look the part, don’t I?

Mom, Dad, I need an ‘81 Pontiac Firebird Powerwheel so that I can practice….chop, chop!  I’ll be outside watching the trashy neighbors so I can learn more about living the “simple life”

MMMMMMM Orange Stuff!

An update on the whole rice cereal debacle.  They’re not shoving it into my mouth on a spoon!  But for some reason, I have this sneaking suspicion that they’re slipping it in with my formula in the bottle….

I can’t really figure out why McDonalds hasn’t started selling Squash, Applesauce, Carrots, Bananas, and Sweet Peas….they’re WAY better than rice cereal.   Those silly adults have no idea what they’re missing.

Nursery Rhymes Are SO Much Better in Digital Hi-Def….

So, I bought me some of those new-fangled Bose QC2 headphones.  Daddy thinks that we bought them so that he could concentrate at work….sucker!  Let me tell you, they make it so you can hear every ding of the xylophone, no matter how loud those furball cats get while fighting over my crib.

So what does a super-cool baby like me have on my iPod?  Glad you asked!  Start with Mommy’s favorite song “If I had a Million Dollars” by Barenaked Ladies.  True, she’ll never have a million dollars being married to Daddy, but it’s a catchy tune.  Then, add up the Mahna Mahna cover by Cake.  I like Cake!  Especially cake with creamy frosting.  Finally, I have a few random death metal albums that I stole off of slacker.com.  It really should be sucker.com….maybe that wasn’t available.  They can never stop a digital-hacker-genius like me….hehehehehehe.

Goldy’s Class of 2030….or 2031…or 2032…..

Daddy’s a gopher.  Not the Caddyshack kind, but a Minnesota Gopher.  Mommy’s a gopher when the temperature is above 30 and they’re not playing Colorado College (boo) in hockey.  So, I want to be a Gopher too!

Grandpa and Grandma Dodd root for those evil Wisconsin Badgers.  Who thought it was a good idea to name a school after an animal whose mating call sounds suprisingly similar to the sound a pair of corduroy pants make when you walk?  At least Gophers can mess with golfers at fancy golf courses while playing tricks on Bill Murray.  And we’re better at hockey.  What could be more important than that?

Hey mommy, I know what I want for my 5th birthday–a trip to Mariucci Arena to watch my Gophers clobber those Badgers.  That way, I’ll get to see my Gophers AND I’ll remember it.  If you really love me, you can take me every year.  Plus, then you could stop at Ikea before the game.  At least, I heard you like that place, whatever it is.  Do they make hockey players there?

Start saving, Mom and Dad.  Bailey Hall, here I come……

…Because Doctors Don’t Remember Being a Baby….

Mmm…Rice Cereal!  I’m eating rice cereal.  At least, that’s what <<THEY>> think.  In reality, they spoon 2 ounces into my mouth, and I covertly spit 1.9 ounces back out.  The slower I spit, the more I can sneak out.

What Doctor thought this Rice Cereal was such a good idea?  Give me a steak.  Give me a cheeseburger.  Give me a slab of bacon.  Heck, I’d even take some of that Pizza that they shared with Grandma and Grandpa the other day.   It’s a good thing that they put me in the swing while eating that pizza….because it was just one reach away…..

Someday I’m going to be a doctor….after being a quarterback (for the Packers–hehe mommy!)  and I’m going to singlehandedly clear up this Rice Cereal myth. In the mean time, I’m going to use my little corner of cyberspace to preach how environmentally unfriendly Rice Cereal is.  Don’t they know there’s a shortage of rice??  The meal on my face alone probably could have kept 5 starving children in other countries happy.

I wonder if Doggies like rice cereal??  Here Sydney…..Here Scout!

Projectile Spit Up

pro•jec•tile (pruh-jek-til, -tahyl)

adjective

1. impelling or driving forward, as a force.
2. caused by impulse, as motion.
3. capable of being impelled forward, as a missile.

It was 5am and I was ready to boogie. For some reason mom wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea of being awake at 5am, so I was trying to lighten the mood. I decided to try out a new technique. Mom looked at me, I looked at her and POOF- projectile spit up! Mom was silent as she wiped it off her FACE. Meanwhile I giggled and smiled, she was awake now! Maybe next time she will remember that 5am is not the time to sleep, but time to boogie

Advanced Engineering for Toddlers

Before today, Daddy thought that thrust vectoring is what helps turn advanced fighter jets and mommy thought it was what you do with your fist when Daddy gets annoying. Being the genius that I am, I had a lesson for them!

Boom! Poop goes up! Thrust Vectoring at its finest! I left a minuscule amount of stuff on my diaper, yet the streak reached all the way up my back to my neck, and it wiped out my shirt. I didn’t like that shirt anyways….who’s dumb enough to throw a party in their crib at 2:00am? Not me, I’m doing it in the living room with the plasma and surround sound blaring.

But wait! I’m not done yet. Once Mommy and Daddy got me all changed, I had to do something about the top shirt I hadn’t messed up yet. So POOF! More thrust vectoring, this time the breakfast that Daddy fed me way too quick.

So, next time you’re around a toddler, don’t forget about thrust vectoring, for it’s a toddler’s best friend. Hehe….here, Kitty Kitty!

How many other 4 month olds do you know with their own blog?

You know, I must be destined to be a geek.  Not just any geek, but a web geek….one who can write complex online applications and design web 2.0 layouts faster than most people can balance their checkbook.  One who doesn’t have time to mess with the silly typical geek crap like Star Wars or World of Warcraft….I’m going to fix the world one website at a time

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